That look in your eyes...

Do you ever have that moment where you wish a certain minute will last forever?

After surviving the meet the family dinner with David, him and i hung out at my place after for a couple of hours. I don't know if it was the sense of accomplishment i felt knowing that i can survive a meet the family evening or just being with him, but i felt something new.

I've been in love once and i've started to fall in love once and i have also fallen in lust. Although i'm not close to any of the above, i feel that i've been having those warm and fuzzy moments a lot more lately. Being with someone for 6 months isn't a heck of a long time but it is my longest relationship since my last longest relationship. Slowly feeling more comfortable with someone and enjoying the time you spend with one another is such a great feeling. There are moments when i'm looking into his eyes and i think there's no where else i'd want to be right now. Of course in my head i hear music and i wish that maybe he'll say something to take my breath away but there's also a part of me that needs to understand that this is real life and not a movie. I feel thats why so many girls never get there expectations met because they think all their boyfriends will pull a Zac Efron or Ryan Gosling or Shane West and climb up our windows and jump into our rooms and sweep us off our feet. I don't think romance is dead by any means since my boyfriend is romantic but whatever happened to the days where you just want to spill your guts to someone or do the littlest thing to make them happy just cause it's a ...thursday or something.

There's a song by Taylor Swift called White Horse and it sort of proves what i'm saying that i'm not a princess, this aint a fairytale, but i wish that one day i can read someones eyes and REALLY know what they're feeling. David looks into my eyes and it's like he knows what i'm thinking....i think my green eyes tell a story... i just wish his brown ones did the same.

Romance isn't dead...it's just on hiatus.

TTFN

Anxiety Scale: 5.6

Meet the Silvers...

Well tonight is the night i've been prepping for, for over 2 months. Tonight I'm meeting the boyfriends whole family. As in the 4 siblings, the grandmother, the aunt and uncle and 2 cousins. It's Davids oldest brothers birthday dinner and of course i'm being asked to come. This whole week i have actually been crapping my pants nervous about this. Now the day has finally arrived. Apparently my 2 months of prep didn't go down very well. In about 5 hours i have to get ready and i'm actually freaking out. So much so that my anxiety has sky rocketed this week. It's not that i'm afraid they wont like me, or they wont like how i look, it's just a scary situation.

I've been in my share of relationships and when i was with my ex for 2 years i pretty much met the whole family...but it was all my accident and not all of them together at once so that was okay. Unlike this moment where it's all planned out and i literally want to faint haha. It's a beautiful day outside but i think i'm going to spend all of today prepping for this as in doing yoga, meditating, and possibly getting completely hammered...(joking on the hammered part).

Wish me luck!!

TTFN

Anxiety Scale: 8.3...yeah i know!

Can i have this dance?

Another overcast day here in the city of Toronto. Still waiting to hear from Seneca and i'm becoming less and less confident as the days slowly drag on.

Jakie and i are just chilling trying to decide what to do today. I'm thinking of hitting up American Apparel to finally get those hoodies i've been wanting for eons. I was supposed to hang with the bf today as per usual but he's too busy for me today grr haha.

Don't really have too much to post today however i wanted to share something with whoever girl reads this blog. You know the most annoying part about being a female (aside from dealing with the opposite sex) is having our period. I found this website that is meant to make our lives easier by telling us when we're supposed to ovulate and expect our period. So for you chicka's who aren't on the nasty pill and have to rely on our good ol' bodies...this site is perf for you. http://www.mon.thly.info.com/ and it's pretty awesome. Just type in your past few periods and it keeps track of your cycle so you don't have to.

ps i finally watched Twilight last night...and it made me want to be in a movie more then anything. Just like when i watched HSM3 and deep down i wish i'd get swept off my feet and a song will play and we can dance in the rain. I feel cheesy things like that only happen with your first love but what do i know. I've dance under the moonlight before...however that was all my doing haha.

All i'm asking is...Can i have this dance?

TTFN

Anxiety Scale:3.2

We will still be friends forever...

I just finished a nice breakfast of cardboard cereal and a banana and i'm ready to start my day. I have to stop off at my dads factory to drop off some stuff then the rest of the day is mine to enjoy. I think i might actually do a little shopping for myself for once in my life...i'm tres pumped! A couple days ago i had coffee with my two great friends E and G and a little something happened that put my friendships into perspective. I have great friends, don't get me wrong, but sometimes i think how the hell can i be friends with people who really don't get me. When i was out for coffee with the girls...E was going through my purse and i asked her "Whats up?" and she pulled out my little hand sanitizer and i asked "How did you know i had hand sanitizer?" and she responded with the best response ever, "cause you WOULD have sanitizer in your purse." That little 3 second moment put every form of warm and fuzzies possible in my tiny little heart. Just knowing that one amazing friend knew something THAT small about me was incredible. This has happened on other occasions. When my girls who i like to call JEEBS like to confront me on something i get super awkward and i start to read things. I never knew this until all of them at once pointed it out and said, "you're reading...stop being awkward". It made me laugh knowing that even tiny manerisms like that they can read. I've been friends with JEEBS since pretty much the beggining of middle school and the beginning of high school. They cause me so much anger, stress, happiness, laughter and all around fun that i don't know what to with them sometimes. The only issue with JEEBS is they don't get my anxiety. I don't blame them with this because it's a very difficult concept to wrap your head around. But i'm glad i have a few friends that may not understand it....but they accept it.

For example: During reading week everyone was going to Philthies on monday and i HATE philthies with a passion...not only cause it's philth but i had a really, really bad anxiety attack there once and it's put a bad taste in my mouth. I was telling some JEEBS that i wasn't going to go and they were furious at me...and E and G were the only two who understood and told me not to worry about it. In the end i went and JEEBS were proud of me but despite how intoxicated E and G were they kept coming up to me and asking if i was okay and it made me feel good that they actually care.

As mentioned above my friends are the greatest friends in the world. They think i deserve the best and i they know that if they EVER need anything i'll be there in a heartbeat. My only problem is...due to my horrible friendship experience in middle school...i have to understand that if i do rely on a friend....they're not going to say no and stop being friends with me. I've noticed this only recently that i have a serious trust issue with relationships whether romantic or friendship. I don't rely on anyone but myself and that's because i don't fully trust anyone else. That's something i REALLY need to work on.

Anyway time to finish my banana and get stated on my day...at 11 40...haha i love days off!

TTFN

Anxiety Scale:4.7

The New Girl...

This is going to be a short post due to the fact that i'm so kerfuffled i can't think straight.

I was working another lovely 8 hour shift today when my ex Rob decided to come in for a visit. I was so excited to see him that i leaped into his arms and gave him a big hug and a kiss. Then he says to me..."I want you to meet Vanessa" which is his new girlfriend. I feel all the blood rush away from my face as i turn to see who the new gf was. This girl is so incredibly gorgeous i wanted to die. I shook her hand politely and asked them if they needed anything. They sat down and had two cappucino's and a cupcake each. I stood and chatted with them and was as civil as can be. Although deep down i secretly wanted to wish i wasn't standing there. The new girl got to meet me looking disgustingly gross with my hair pulled back in a "Eat More Cake" shirt and best of all...disgusting sweatpants. I could have died. Rob said to me...'"i knew you wanted to meet her so here she is!" ...uh..yeah...i wanted to meet her when i looked a little more FEMALE!!! So the girl who has taken my place in his life is drop dead gorgeous and now i feel like well...what's worse then the ugly duckling?....*thinks*...not too sure but i'll get back to it. Everything about her was flawless. Although i didn't get a chance to REALLY chat with her...on a completely superficial standpoint...she was pretty damn perfect. Amazing style, great hair, flawless complexion....she even had nice eyes.

Why does the guy who causes the heart break always come out on top?

TTFN

Anxiety Scale: 5.7

Early bird catches the worm...

It's 9 30 am and i've been up since 7 30 am. The sun is shining and it's going to be beautiful today. I'm going to get off my lazy ass...do some yoga and start my day.

TTFN

Debbie Travis...afied

I got up at 7 30 this morning to head to work today for 9. It was a long day today...so long that i finished at 11. There wasn't much work to do so i was asked to go home and it was lovely!!! I went home had a nice breakfast of toast with creamcheese with a slice of tomato, and a cup of earl grey tea. Then i did some emailing and hopped into the shower to start my day...again. I decided today would be a perfect day to find an anniversary present for my boyfriend since it's our 6 months this Friday. This present day turned into a spending money on me day...which never happens!

Slowly i've been trying to redecorate my room from a young girl to a mature woman. Although i'm not even close to being a "mature woman" i thought i'd attempt something along those lines. I've been trying to turn my room into a calm and peaceful oasis.

Today i purhased a beautiful white floating shelf to put on my wall next to my bed. I also purchased a serenity fountain which is supposed to calm your mind, body and spirit and purify your room. And just to add a typical Jordi flare...i bought a scented candle that smells like clean laundry (aka my fav smell in the world). To add to this collection...a couple weeks ago i purchased a infinity tea light set. Where with the magic of mirrors (haha) it looks like there's a million lights going horizontally. It's really beautiful!

In addition, in a couple of weeks i'm getting a painting that my manager said he'd paint for me that i will be putting over my bed. Hopefully these minor touches will have a big impact and although it will continue to be a slow process...i will turn this room into something special.

TTFN

Anxiety Scale: 4.2

The waiting game...

Well I've been working my face off the last week and next week is the death week. 51 hours of work...i don't even want to think about it.

While working i've also been waiting to hear if i've been accepted or not to Seneca. I'm trying not to think about it every second of the day because as they say: "A watched pot never boils" so i guess the same goes with the mail: "A watched mailbox never gets the right letters"....something along those lines.

So today being my first day off in 4 days i woke up late which was amazing! cleaned up the kitchen to surprise my mommy and made myself a cup of tea. It's been a few days since i've been on the computer so the first thing i did was check my facebook. I had a message from this group i'm a part of called The Message in a Bottle. For those of you who don't know...this is a group dedicated to Cory Mintz the boy who passed away July 3rd in a car crash up in Muskoka. I went to camp and school with Cory so when i heard the news it came as a total shock. I visited the website and there are 4 videos posted interviewing Cory's mom, dad and sister. It's really difficult to watch something with that much raw emotion but it's really necessary. For those of you who want to be REALLY educated on what happened and not what the media has been putting out, please visit: http://www.themessageinthebottle.com/

It's time for me to get ready...pick up my puppy from his fur cut...and possibly do a little shopping.

TTFN

Anxiety Scale: 3.8

It's raining, it's pouring....

Well this is my first day off in a while and although the temp is pretty warm...the clouds have opened up.

After an interesting night last night at good ol' Smokey Joe's, i had a wonderful sleep in till 12 30 and now i have no idea what to do with my life and it's almost 3. I'm still sitting in my pj's in my house all by my lonesome. In addition, i wish i had something interesting to blog about...but unfortunately i do not. Except for the fact that i had a blood test yesterday and they took 9 viles of blood...like hello! so not legit. I had to wake up at 8 am, go the hospital, get blood raped, then work for 8 hours...oh and go out to a bar to meet my boyfriends friends for the first time. WHAT A DAY!

So maybe i deserve a day to do absolutely nothing...hmm...i think i might just do that.

TTFN

Anixety Scale: 3.2

Shake it like a polaroid picture...

I've recently become slightly obsessed with the After Show on MTV. So obsessed infact that i have signed up for Dan Levy's weekly newletter called "Doop". It's Dan's own version of Gweneth Paltrow's newsletter "Goop". Pretty much, lovely Dan, sends newsletters about the latest things he's discovered, his opinions on different things, and what's new and fabulous in his little world. His latest newsletter had to do with this function you can download that turns your regular jpeg picture into digital polaroids. It's pretty cool and it gives your photos a very vintage sort of look to them. I just downloaded it and i'm quite impressed and who doesn't like a good ol' polaroid snapshot!

Once again i had a lovely 8 hour shift at Dufflet today and everything went pretty smoothly. Wasn't too busy yet wasn't too dead yet somehow i managed to work my ass off once again. Near the end of my shift at around 5 o'clock i had a little asshole of a customer come in. He grabbed my attention quite annoyingly in fact and asked me to name every single product in our display case. After taking about 3.5 minutes to do that, he asked me what the prices were of everything. Once again another 3.5 minutes goes by then he asks me to describe some of the products. Slowly a line of customers start to form behind him and he's really starting to get on my nerves. After about a solid 8 minutes of driving me nuts! he says "Okay thanks!" and leaves. I was about to chase after him and put a gun to his head to buy a damn cake! I then serve the next customer who said to me "I have no idea how you can put up with people like that!" I swear this man must have been so G-d damn bored that he had to ruin my day with his stupid wise ass. Grrr!!! i was not pleased.

Once again...another day at Dufflet and i leave unscaved but a little more annoyed at people.

TTFN

Anixety Scale: 4.3

ps got my review today from work...apparently i exceed expectations...tee hee..KEENER!!! :)

If i were a rich girl...

Yesterday at work i had the pleasure of meeting this customer who was roughly about my age...a pretty blonde girl. She had the typical Tiffany's ring that everyone has...the big thick chained silver one from the 1876 collection. However, hers was more like a band and i instantly fell in love with it. After work i ran home to see the price of it...and of course it was a little out of my price range by...oh i dont know...$500. I mentioned it to my parents at dinner as a 20th birthday present and of course my dad laughed and my mom didn't say anything, yet put a mental check in her head. However, i just got home from a morning of errands and getting onto my computer this morning was a huge bitch. I have an Acer and my boyfriend makes fun of me for it saying it's a huge piece of crap. Well for once in my 5 month relationship i'm going to agree with him...this laptop is total SHIT! So now i'm debating whether to spend another 700 on a pc or finally update and ask my parents to get me a mac for my 20th. For the longest time i said i will never get a mac i'm a pc supporter for life. However, the fact that i got this computer a year ago and it's already crapping out is a little annoying.
So this is my inner struggle and debate...whether to get another pc for 700 and replace it in a year or spend 1200 on a mac and not have to replace it for about 5 years. I will be going against my beliefs but....people's beliefs can change right? i'm not trying to be like everyone else getting the mac i'm just being...(ive literally been sitting here for 5 minutes trying to think of the right word) lets say...smart.
Another thing i encountered today was that i went to get my eyebrows done and i noticed it was completely dead in the store. I've been going to the same place on avenue rd for years and seeing it completely deserted was weird for me. I came in and they ran at me asking if i need anything else other then my eyebrows...sadly i shook my head and went to the back room to get them done. Cathy (the woman who does my eyebrows) was telling me that due to the recession and of course the brutal cold weather business has been awful and her son in law just lost his job and everyone seems to slowly be getting affected by this. I felt horrible and wished there was something i could do. Unfortunately i'm incredibly broke and the only reason i had cash to get my eyebrows done was because i won a Deal or no Deal scratch and win last week. So i gave her the 10 dollars for the eyebrows and i had a toonie way down in my wallet for a tip...i looked at her and looked at the girls in the back room bored off their asses just WAITING for a customer...and i gave her a 5. She said in broken english "No No too much!" i said please...take it. She was so happy and it made my day. Now all i have is 2 dollars to my name but atleast i know i gave my money to someone who needs it.
If we can just keep a smile on our faces and enjoy the little we have i think we can attempt to make it through this awful recession with some dignity and grace.

TTFN

Anxiety Scale:2.6

The angels want to listen but the devil you've been kissing all night long...

Well i had an extremely interesting day yesterday. I got a lovely suprise visit from my ex boyfriend Cody who i haven't seen since August and i was totally taken by suprise. It was obviously amazing to see him cause he's just great but it was weird having him in my house again. For 2 years he pretty much lived in my house and now having him back 2 years later was sort of a walk down memory lane for a bit. He was my first love and pretty much my only one for the most part and seeing him in my territory aka his past territory was pretty cool. He still walked around and acted like this was his second home and it made me feel good knowing that no matter what he is still welcome. It's wild to think about how much we've both grown up over the past couple of years without eachother. We've both have dated plenty of other people and had our share of hook-ups and relationships. We've also attended university, met new people, experienced new things...all within a few thousand miles of eachother. Yet, when we both come back to reality and we're together it's as if nothing has changed. Yes we are a little bit older, wiser, stronger and experienced but there's still this comfortable and easy feeling when we're together like although our 2 year relationship is long gone...it will never be forgotten. Who knows what will happen in the future with him and i but as long as he's still a part of my life...that's all that matters. :)

Now as for today...another week, another day, and another 8 hours at Dufflet. I feel as if i live there for the most part. This working for a living thing is crazy. In the next 2 weeks I'm going to be working 51 hours in one week. I literally think i'm going to die haha it's just so unbelievable what not being in school does to you.
Driving home after an 8 hour day from work...a band that i barely listen to came on my ipod. The band is Trophy and they're lyrics are literally mental...they're so incredibly artistic and unreal. This is an underground band that a couple friends and i had the pleasure of listening to a couple summers back after one of our friends were on stage with their band. We fell in love with the singer due to the fact that he looked exactly like Ryan Gosling...it was just a plus that his band was amazing. My friend bought the cd and i borrowed it from her this summer and i haven't listened to the whole cd yet just the one song i love. However, today another song came on from them and i was too lazy to change the song so i listened to it...and it made me appreciate this band more then anything. They're amazing and unfortunately they don't have a myspace and it's impossible to find them but if anyone wants to be moved by the most mind boggling lyrics that seem to reach down into your soul and spread your heart out right infront of you....i suggest you ask me for the cd.

Now...it's time for a hot shower...a hot cup of tea...and some lyrical therapy from Trophy.

TTFN!

Anxiety Scale: 3.6

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...

It's another sunny and beautiful day...yet effing freezing cold. Just did some minor facebook stalkage and my friend Nina is in beautiful Melbourne Aussie land and i'm soooooo jealous. I wish i had the guts to just get up and leave somewhere for a bit. I think when the weather is nice enough i'm going to take a weekend to myself and head somewhere north. I don't know where and i don't know when...but hopefully this is a little plan that i can pursue.

Either way i can not WAIT for summer. Although i'm pretty much only going to have one day off a week with my new crazy ass work schedule, i'm going to be looking forward to that day like no other. I'm hoping atleast once a month i can just drive somewhere, park the car, and just sit in the grass with a delicious Passion Tea Lemonade from starbs and read a book with the sun beating down on my face. I've been thinking about this moment a lot lately and it's making me really ansy for spring. The weather is being a little mean with this beautiful looking weather but the actual temperature is inhumane!

Just to bring myself more into the spring mood...whenever i'm driving to work in the morning...i blast my latest obsession Sunglasses- Divine Brown, put on my shades and just rock out, making it feel as if it is the spring time. I know it's stupid because when i finally get out of the warmth of my car i feel as if penguins should be waddling by...but i enjoy it.

I also can't wait till i can go on walks again. I love walking around the area not only for the excercise and fresh air but it just makes me realize how lucky i am to live in such an amazing area. Yes we are surrounded by some extremely rich and snobby people, but once in a while you bump into the really kind and sweet people that know that they're lucky to have this luxury but don't flaunt it. Working in this area for the past 5 years, i've had the pleasure of meeting some really decent people, and when i'm out and about walking around, i get to see them and say a little hi hello and it makes me feel good. It makes me feel more at home outside of my own home just being able to walk around the area and see familiar faces. I know i'm a city girl at heart but i love the country life of knowing people you walk by, i think it's sort of sweet. Thats why i always get a warm and fuzzy feeling whenever i'm at stradford or niagra on the lake...i'm sure not everyone knows everyone but it's such a friendly little place to walk around and see smiling faces...i really enjoy it.

All this wishing for spring is putting me in a very squirelly mood because i have to wait another 2-3 months and i want it now! grrrr. Well i'm off to go call York and find out why they're charging me for a whole year's worth of tuition when i was only there for 2 months.

TTFN (ta ta for now)

Anxiety Scale: 4.6