That look in your eyes...

Do you ever have that moment where you wish a certain minute will last forever?

After surviving the meet the family dinner with David, him and i hung out at my place after for a couple of hours. I don't know if it was the sense of accomplishment i felt knowing that i can survive a meet the family evening or just being with him, but i felt something new.

I've been in love once and i've started to fall in love once and i have also fallen in lust. Although i'm not close to any of the above, i feel that i've been having those warm and fuzzy moments a lot more lately. Being with someone for 6 months isn't a heck of a long time but it is my longest relationship since my last longest relationship. Slowly feeling more comfortable with someone and enjoying the time you spend with one another is such a great feeling. There are moments when i'm looking into his eyes and i think there's no where else i'd want to be right now. Of course in my head i hear music and i wish that maybe he'll say something to take my breath away but there's also a part of me that needs to understand that this is real life and not a movie. I feel thats why so many girls never get there expectations met because they think all their boyfriends will pull a Zac Efron or Ryan Gosling or Shane West and climb up our windows and jump into our rooms and sweep us off our feet. I don't think romance is dead by any means since my boyfriend is romantic but whatever happened to the days where you just want to spill your guts to someone or do the littlest thing to make them happy just cause it's a ...thursday or something.

There's a song by Taylor Swift called White Horse and it sort of proves what i'm saying that i'm not a princess, this aint a fairytale, but i wish that one day i can read someones eyes and REALLY know what they're feeling. David looks into my eyes and it's like he knows what i'm thinking....i think my green eyes tell a story... i just wish his brown ones did the same.

Romance isn't dead...it's just on hiatus.

TTFN

Anxiety Scale: 5.6

Meet the Silvers...

Well tonight is the night i've been prepping for, for over 2 months. Tonight I'm meeting the boyfriends whole family. As in the 4 siblings, the grandmother, the aunt and uncle and 2 cousins. It's Davids oldest brothers birthday dinner and of course i'm being asked to come. This whole week i have actually been crapping my pants nervous about this. Now the day has finally arrived. Apparently my 2 months of prep didn't go down very well. In about 5 hours i have to get ready and i'm actually freaking out. So much so that my anxiety has sky rocketed this week. It's not that i'm afraid they wont like me, or they wont like how i look, it's just a scary situation.

I've been in my share of relationships and when i was with my ex for 2 years i pretty much met the whole family...but it was all my accident and not all of them together at once so that was okay. Unlike this moment where it's all planned out and i literally want to faint haha. It's a beautiful day outside but i think i'm going to spend all of today prepping for this as in doing yoga, meditating, and possibly getting completely hammered...(joking on the hammered part).

Wish me luck!!

TTFN

Anxiety Scale: 8.3...yeah i know!

Can i have this dance?

Another overcast day here in the city of Toronto. Still waiting to hear from Seneca and i'm becoming less and less confident as the days slowly drag on.

Jakie and i are just chilling trying to decide what to do today. I'm thinking of hitting up American Apparel to finally get those hoodies i've been wanting for eons. I was supposed to hang with the bf today as per usual but he's too busy for me today grr haha.

Don't really have too much to post today however i wanted to share something with whoever girl reads this blog. You know the most annoying part about being a female (aside from dealing with the opposite sex) is having our period. I found this website that is meant to make our lives easier by telling us when we're supposed to ovulate and expect our period. So for you chicka's who aren't on the nasty pill and have to rely on our good ol' bodies...this site is perf for you. http://www.mon.thly.info.com/ and it's pretty awesome. Just type in your past few periods and it keeps track of your cycle so you don't have to.

ps i finally watched Twilight last night...and it made me want to be in a movie more then anything. Just like when i watched HSM3 and deep down i wish i'd get swept off my feet and a song will play and we can dance in the rain. I feel cheesy things like that only happen with your first love but what do i know. I've dance under the moonlight before...however that was all my doing haha.

All i'm asking is...Can i have this dance?

TTFN

Anxiety Scale:3.2

We will still be friends forever...

I just finished a nice breakfast of cardboard cereal and a banana and i'm ready to start my day. I have to stop off at my dads factory to drop off some stuff then the rest of the day is mine to enjoy. I think i might actually do a little shopping for myself for once in my life...i'm tres pumped! A couple days ago i had coffee with my two great friends E and G and a little something happened that put my friendships into perspective. I have great friends, don't get me wrong, but sometimes i think how the hell can i be friends with people who really don't get me. When i was out for coffee with the girls...E was going through my purse and i asked her "Whats up?" and she pulled out my little hand sanitizer and i asked "How did you know i had hand sanitizer?" and she responded with the best response ever, "cause you WOULD have sanitizer in your purse." That little 3 second moment put every form of warm and fuzzies possible in my tiny little heart. Just knowing that one amazing friend knew something THAT small about me was incredible. This has happened on other occasions. When my girls who i like to call JEEBS like to confront me on something i get super awkward and i start to read things. I never knew this until all of them at once pointed it out and said, "you're reading...stop being awkward". It made me laugh knowing that even tiny manerisms like that they can read. I've been friends with JEEBS since pretty much the beggining of middle school and the beginning of high school. They cause me so much anger, stress, happiness, laughter and all around fun that i don't know what to with them sometimes. The only issue with JEEBS is they don't get my anxiety. I don't blame them with this because it's a very difficult concept to wrap your head around. But i'm glad i have a few friends that may not understand it....but they accept it.

For example: During reading week everyone was going to Philthies on monday and i HATE philthies with a passion...not only cause it's philth but i had a really, really bad anxiety attack there once and it's put a bad taste in my mouth. I was telling some JEEBS that i wasn't going to go and they were furious at me...and E and G were the only two who understood and told me not to worry about it. In the end i went and JEEBS were proud of me but despite how intoxicated E and G were they kept coming up to me and asking if i was okay and it made me feel good that they actually care.

As mentioned above my friends are the greatest friends in the world. They think i deserve the best and i they know that if they EVER need anything i'll be there in a heartbeat. My only problem is...due to my horrible friendship experience in middle school...i have to understand that if i do rely on a friend....they're not going to say no and stop being friends with me. I've noticed this only recently that i have a serious trust issue with relationships whether romantic or friendship. I don't rely on anyone but myself and that's because i don't fully trust anyone else. That's something i REALLY need to work on.

Anyway time to finish my banana and get stated on my day...at 11 40...haha i love days off!

TTFN

Anxiety Scale:4.7

The New Girl...

This is going to be a short post due to the fact that i'm so kerfuffled i can't think straight.

I was working another lovely 8 hour shift today when my ex Rob decided to come in for a visit. I was so excited to see him that i leaped into his arms and gave him a big hug and a kiss. Then he says to me..."I want you to meet Vanessa" which is his new girlfriend. I feel all the blood rush away from my face as i turn to see who the new gf was. This girl is so incredibly gorgeous i wanted to die. I shook her hand politely and asked them if they needed anything. They sat down and had two cappucino's and a cupcake each. I stood and chatted with them and was as civil as can be. Although deep down i secretly wanted to wish i wasn't standing there. The new girl got to meet me looking disgustingly gross with my hair pulled back in a "Eat More Cake" shirt and best of all...disgusting sweatpants. I could have died. Rob said to me...'"i knew you wanted to meet her so here she is!" ...uh..yeah...i wanted to meet her when i looked a little more FEMALE!!! So the girl who has taken my place in his life is drop dead gorgeous and now i feel like well...what's worse then the ugly duckling?....*thinks*...not too sure but i'll get back to it. Everything about her was flawless. Although i didn't get a chance to REALLY chat with her...on a completely superficial standpoint...she was pretty damn perfect. Amazing style, great hair, flawless complexion....she even had nice eyes.

Why does the guy who causes the heart break always come out on top?

TTFN

Anxiety Scale: 5.7

Early bird catches the worm...

It's 9 30 am and i've been up since 7 30 am. The sun is shining and it's going to be beautiful today. I'm going to get off my lazy ass...do some yoga and start my day.

TTFN

Debbie Travis...afied

I got up at 7 30 this morning to head to work today for 9. It was a long day today...so long that i finished at 11. There wasn't much work to do so i was asked to go home and it was lovely!!! I went home had a nice breakfast of toast with creamcheese with a slice of tomato, and a cup of earl grey tea. Then i did some emailing and hopped into the shower to start my day...again. I decided today would be a perfect day to find an anniversary present for my boyfriend since it's our 6 months this Friday. This present day turned into a spending money on me day...which never happens!

Slowly i've been trying to redecorate my room from a young girl to a mature woman. Although i'm not even close to being a "mature woman" i thought i'd attempt something along those lines. I've been trying to turn my room into a calm and peaceful oasis.

Today i purhased a beautiful white floating shelf to put on my wall next to my bed. I also purchased a serenity fountain which is supposed to calm your mind, body and spirit and purify your room. And just to add a typical Jordi flare...i bought a scented candle that smells like clean laundry (aka my fav smell in the world). To add to this collection...a couple weeks ago i purchased a infinity tea light set. Where with the magic of mirrors (haha) it looks like there's a million lights going horizontally. It's really beautiful!

In addition, in a couple of weeks i'm getting a painting that my manager said he'd paint for me that i will be putting over my bed. Hopefully these minor touches will have a big impact and although it will continue to be a slow process...i will turn this room into something special.

TTFN

Anxiety Scale: 4.2