As i sit in my living room with the sun on my face, steaming tea in my mug, a book to my right, and my windchime playing a new tune with every gust of wind, i can't help but feel content. I suffer from Anxiety and every thought that enters my mind is a negative one. However, when there are days like today when although our ground is covered in a white powder and the wind feels like it's throwing ninja stars at your face, you can't help but smile at how lucky we really are. As mentioned above, i constantly think negatively with my anxiety. The littlest thing i blow out of proportion especially when it's related to any form of stomach discomfort. I just lost a family friend who was 8 months pregnant, felt uncomfortable and went to the doctor to get it checked out. After the second visit she insisted that the doctors take a closer look at her. They decided to deliver the baby prematurely and was devastated to find out the baby was a still-born. One week later she found out that she is in stage 4 of pancreatic cancer. Elise died Saturday night.
When you hear stories like this, or have to face them, you can't help but realize how lucky we really are. Yes i have an anxiety issue that tends to hold me back on occasion, but things could be so much worse. There are people who are losing their jobs out there in the world because of the recession, people are sick and dying all over the world, and there are people who are living on the streets in this cold weather while i'm inside in a warm cozy house.
People are so caught up in the world of high fashion and glamour and superficial non-sense that they don't sit back to think about how lucky they really are. I've never been the type of person who was into the Hollywood lifestyle and i was never into what I was wearing or owned. I don't know if it's the way i was brought up, or it's because i've been chewed up and spit out a few times in my life that i've learned there's more important things to bitch about. However, with this rough patch i've been dealing with the past year i seem to forget to adore the simplicity of life.
For example: my windchime outside...i'm blessed that i can actually hear the beautiful melody it plays. The view of my street outside as a stare out the window...i'm blessed that i can view our snowy town of Toronto. Typing away on my computer being able to create sentences....i'm blessed to have been educated in my life that writing and typing and speaking is something that i was taught and was honoured enough to be taught by fantastic people.
I know an incredible man named Rob who i've had the pleasure of not only calling him my friend but i had the pleasure of calling him my boyfriend for a short time. He taught me to see the beauty around me. He lost his mother at the age of 4 and since then he's learned to cherish every moment and every person in his life. He once told me that if he could...he'd want to be deaf for a week, blind for a week, and handicapped for a week, just to experience what these people have to experience in a lifetime. I thought he was crazy...i told him that he should be happy that he doesn't have to experience that....but because of the kind of person he his...he wants to share others pain so he can really be there for them in mind, body and spirit.
I love Rob more then words can possibly ever describe. For a long time i only hoped that i could show him a glimpse of my love and happiness that he has brought me over the years. For his 23rd birthday i bought him a star. I named the star after his late mother Diana and made sure it was in the coordinates of her horoscope. The reaction i received from him that day will bring me happiness till the day i die. This just goes to show you how the simplest things can bring the utmost happiness and how lucky we are to experience that happiness while others can't.
It's hard to think this everyday but if i'm ever feeling down about myself or anxious or unhappy...i'd like to look back and realize how amazing i really do have it. I have an amazing family, my health, my happiness, my friends, my boyfriend....and of course....that beautiful windchime that sings outside my front door.
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