I just finished a nice breakfast of cardboard cereal and a banana and i'm ready to start my day. I have to stop off at my dads factory to drop off some stuff then the rest of the day is mine to enjoy. I think i might actually do a little shopping for myself for once in my life...i'm tres pumped! A couple days ago i had coffee with my two great friends E and G and a little something happened that put my friendships into perspective. I have great friends, don't get me wrong, but sometimes i think how the hell can i be friends with people who really don't get me. When i was out for coffee with the girls...E was going through my purse and i asked her "Whats up?" and she pulled out my little hand sanitizer and i asked "How did you know i had hand sanitizer?" and she responded with the best response ever, "cause you WOULD have sanitizer in your purse." That little 3 second moment put every form of warm and fuzzies possible in my tiny little heart. Just knowing that one amazing friend knew something THAT small about me was incredible. This has happened on other occasions. When my girls who i like to call JEEBS like to confront me on something i get super awkward and i start to read things. I never knew this until all of them at once pointed it out and said, "you're reading...stop being awkward". It made me laugh knowing that even tiny manerisms like that they can read. I've been friends with JEEBS since pretty much the beggining of middle school and the beginning of high school. They cause me so much anger, stress, happiness, laughter and all around fun that i don't know what to with them sometimes. The only issue with JEEBS is they don't get my anxiety. I don't blame them with this because it's a very difficult concept to wrap your head around. But i'm glad i have a few friends that may not understand it....but they accept it.
For example: During reading week everyone was going to Philthies on monday and i HATE philthies with a passion...not only cause it's philth but i had a really, really bad anxiety attack there once and it's put a bad taste in my mouth. I was telling some JEEBS that i wasn't going to go and they were furious at me...and E and G were the only two who understood and told me not to worry about it. In the end i went and JEEBS were proud of me but despite how intoxicated E and G were they kept coming up to me and asking if i was okay and it made me feel good that they actually care.
As mentioned above my friends are the greatest friends in the world. They think i deserve the best and i they know that if they EVER need anything i'll be there in a heartbeat. My only problem is...due to my horrible friendship experience in middle school...i have to understand that if i do rely on a friend....they're not going to say no and stop being friends with me. I've noticed this only recently that i have a serious trust issue with relationships whether romantic or friendship. I don't rely on anyone but myself and that's because i don't fully trust anyone else. That's something i REALLY need to work on.
Anyway time to finish my banana and get stated on my day...at 11 40...haha i love days off!
TTFN
Anxiety Scale:4.7
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